FUNNY felines

 

Acts 10:34

King James Version

34 Then Peter opened his mouth, and said, 

Of a truth I perceive that 

God is no respecter of persons:

Cats are funny.

Expressive.

Curious.

Private.

Playful.

Endearing.

Fascinating.

Nimble.

Even astounding.

These nimble creatures delight a childlike heart.

Just don't squelch him.

He loves his freedom.

You see, cats are pretty private animals.

Unless they're kittens.

That's when they're public figures.

They love to play, to be played with.

As adults, please don't bother them.

Unless they're hungry.

Or cold.

That's when they like curling up on your lap.

And sometimes, they knead at your thighs.

Your turn to cringe.

I was once at a government office in the big city.

The big, orange cat (they have cats there?) headed for me.

They know a cat person when they see one.

I knew the huge claws won't be thigh-friendly, though.

I didn't want my skinny thighs cross-stitched.

Avoided the poor one, till I got out of there.

Still, she kept going for my lap.

If you don't like cats, you'll never go to that office.

Cross-stitcher will scare the lap out of you.

You'll send a messenger.

But I like cats.

Just not HUGE cats who need a pin cushion.

I guess you could say his face looked like that photo above.

Miffed that a cat lover refused his attention.

Mind you, those are rare times.

Even for this scribe.

A cousin had a large, orange cat, too.

But he was neutered, and declawed.

So, all he does is sleep, looking at your forlornly.

As if the whole world dropped on his head.

As if he had nothing to live for.

No one could get him to smile.

One day, we couldn't find him.

Cousin rode a bike around the village.

We looked everywhere in the house, too.

Nowhere to be found.

We gave up.

Only to find big, fat Jack was under a low bench after all.

How did he fit in there?

You know animals.

They can be flat as a rug.

Poor, fat Jack not only lost his smile.

He lost his voice, too.

Normally, cats say "miaow".

I didn't hear a squeak from him.

Is that what neutering and declawing do?

I declare all cats be left alone.

Cats are so low maintenance.

So easy to train.

Just provide their food, water, cat litter.

Teach them not to claw at furniture.

You don't need cat psychology.

Just leave them alone.

Until they need you.

They're comfort-crazy.

They can always find a warm spot to sleep in.

But food-wise, sometimes they can be choosy.

One cat we had turned up his nose at the food we bought.

The pack was on sale.

Cat refused to eat it.

He knew a cheap thing when he sniffed one.

He'd rather starve.

Snobbish creatures, these felines.

We never bought that pack again.

Where I live now, cats eat anything palatable.

One time, I saw my neighbor's cat looking funny, shaking his head.

He had a tiny bone stuck between his jaw.

I didn't know how to get it out.

Except if I brought him to a vet.

He was an abandoned cat, left by a neighbor.

But I knew he'd find a way to get it out.

Cats often do.

But he did look funny that way.

This was one of those rambunctious cats.

Ate too much.

He got the bone out himself.

Lesson learned.

Funny felines.

True survivalists.

Image: Unsplash

NEVER argue with a cat

 

Proverbs 21:9

King James Version

9 It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, 

than with a brawling woman in a wide house.

Why is it a foolish idea to argue with cats?

If you know cats, you'll understand.

If you've lived with cats, you'll keep your cool.

If you respect cats, you won't question their feline authority.

Cats are cool, calm, and yes, a bit crazy.

RULE number 1:

Never argue with a cat.

You'll blow a fuse.

We're not trying to be cool.

Yes, yes, yes.

We admit we can be maddening sometimes.

You give us gourmet food.

We sniff.

We sneeze.

We scat.

After we've had our food, we leave.

Not even a thank you.

Sure, we snuggle against you.

Then, you let your dogs out.

And they scamper all over the place.

Literally destroying our feline peace.

Of course, there are exceptions.

Some Goliaths are tender towards us Davids.

Dogs and cats can co-exist harmoniously.

And we're grateful for that.

Most days, you can find us peaceful.

(If left alone, after a feeding.)

Content.

Purring.

Curled up.

Occasionally opening a lid.

Wondering why humans are all over the place.

Wondering what all the fuss is about.

And we fear for our minds.

We need to avoid your dystopia.

True, we were kittens once.

All over the place, too.

Ah, but when we became older, we changed.

We now have a certain degree of sophistication.

They call it "grace".

We call it cool, calm, collected.

We asked scribe to get this blog together.

So you can understand us better.

She gets us.

We're an open book to her.

Rare human, that one.

What's that?

Rule number 2?

Just never argue with a cat.

Period.

Image: Smallpdf

Cats HAVE an answer for EVERYTHING

 

Acts 26:25

King James Version

25 But he said, I am not mad, most noble Festus; 

but speak forth the words of truth and soberness.

By now, you've probably seen our famous smart relative on social media.

He simply drives the poor woman mad.

He has dead pan answers for her accusations.

My scribe especially looks forward to his unapologetic remarks.

For she understands cats.

Lived with them, most of her life.

She knows we can get away with things.

Most of the time.

I mean, how can you get mad at an animal?

A magnificent animal, mind you.

If you like us, you'll like this meme.

If you don't like us, you'll like the woman.

If you've got a short fuse, you'll go nuts.

Remember, we're not mad.

We're not even getting even.

We just like calling things as they are.

Just so you know.

BONUS: 

Want to make your own cat-human meme?

Click this link, and create away!

Image: Smallpdf

Updated 30 December 2023

The cat's GUIDE to his galaxy

 

Genesis 1:25

King James Version

25 And God made the beast of the earth 

after his kind, and cattle after their kind, 

and every thing that creepeth upon the earth 

after his kind: 

and God saw that it was good.

Yeah, I know.

We cats are magnificent.

Dogs are friendly.

Cats are magnificent.

Dogs don't mind.

Suits us just fine.

I mean, we're elegant.

Dogs are kinda all over the place.

We're private.

Dogs aren't.

We're not putting down dogs.

We just are.

Just as dogs, just are.

Sometimes, we get along.

Some days, we are chased by them.

I suppose if you bring us together when we're all kittens, and puppies, we can't tell the difference.

And we may just bond.

Sure, there are kind great danes.

And there are impossible persians.

All in all, I suppose we get along.

That is IF dogs respect our space.

For we do need a LOT of space.

Away from them.

The rest of the time, tiny cardboard boxes suit us just fine.

A place to curl up in.

Now, about humans.

That's for the next post.

A word about our scribe:

We heard about her among the cat circles.

Heard she's a GOD-fearing writer, and researcher.

Who happens to like cats, ahem. 

She used to ghost blog for a cat company. 

Seems they were pleased, and gave her all cat articles to write

To our great delight, of course.

-- CAT community

More articles here:

HOME

2020 articles

2022 articles

2023 articles

At EASE with self

blog

Updated 30 December 2023